And the two shall become one…
(10-04-2009)
This month the Church focus on Respect Life (requiring a lifelong witness), reminds us of life’s sacredness and our responsibility to stand up for our values--and not only the all important values that are anti-abortion, anti-euthanasia, and anti-death penalty. It is important to remember that respect life—pro-life and its sacredness finds its foundation and challenges in married life—the family life. As we hear in our readings for this Sunday, God declares married life a sacred vocation of unity.
How many of you who are married see yourselves as a part of a sacred vocation chosen by God?
To be in a vocation is something that involves the entire person--and is ongoing-and sometimes lifelong. As many of you know, getting married does not automatically mean "happily ever after". And just because you may claim the title “husband” or “wife”—does not guarantee success. It takes WORK, DISCIPLINE, PATIENCE, COMMUNICATION, and LOVE.
However, some people enter marriage and think the work of being united was settled during their engagement period or left at the altar with their vows. Very often when problems in the marriage occur it is due to the sacredness of the union taking a back seat to other priorities—individual or as a couple. Stresses that come along, such as a career move or new house, can easily drive married couples to counseling. And I fully support counseling and divorce prevention. For stress and poor communication between a couple can cause a certain kind of “blindness and deafness”—they begin not to see one another, hear one another, and shut down-withdraw--and it gets worse from there.
I am not claiming to be an expert—but I have helped more than 150 couples marry in the church and another 10 or so not get married. Also, it has been a sacred blessing to counsel couples through rough spots—help them see and hear one another and reconnect to the love of God in each other.
Not all flesh can remain one –as God commands--with so many of the challenges of today’s world and our American society. Not all marriages start off as sacred; some marriages are never sacred.
There are issues of spousal abuse, chemical or other addictions that cause the destruction of a family, there are things that couples conceal from one another prior to marriage that never allow the covenant bond to exist, and many other ways that the Church now recognizes as nullifying full vowed consent of one another—and therefore worthy of consideration for an annulment of the sacred bond. AND NO ANNULMENTS ARE NOT ONLY FOR THOSE WITH MONEY AND/OR INFLUENCE. No sacrament, counseling, process of Church law, etc. is ever restricted due to a lack of funds—no one is ever turned away due to money.
A recognition of psycho-socio impact on marriage:
How many women endured abusive relationships in their marriages even to the point of being repeatedly battered all in the sake of trying to save their soul and remain a faithful Catholic? A misunderstanding of God’s laws and Church interpretation has caused the sadness and sometimes even the deaths of women.
Thankfully the Holy Spirit is a part of our church as we continue to wrestle with divorce as an issue that effects/affects all of us. We now look at divorce with pastoral consideration for each couple as individuals—rather than as a canon law grouping. And if a couple do not remain as one--for reasons beyond our right to judge, shouldn’t the parish find the ways to be more welcoming of divorced persons in God’s house? WE do need to do more in support of married life and we also need to do more in looking at the acceptance of issues that can justify divorce. Many such issues affect the children involved in divorce and as Church we should find a way to support the family/children through such difficulties.
Pro-life in all its forms:
There are many ways we can celebrate the sacredness of life and the respect of all life. How about having a weekend where we celebrate “pregnant families”? While that may sound strange, it happens in other parishes that honor the fact that spouses are united in the sacredness of pregnancy.
That sense of we and us, becomes ingrained. You hear it in the language of some married people, "We are pregnant".... "Our children", "our vacation plans", "let me check with my husband.... my wife." A new identity is expressed in their ways of thinking and speaking. Shouldn’t we as One Body in Christ begin to do more to help that unity rather than simply sit-by and watch it struggle to survive? Wouldn’t it be great to celebrate family life more in the place where families worship and have more family events and programs? We need to do more to celebrate and support what God has joined together—knowing that the couple, their family, friends, and their church truly wants them to remain that way. Celebrate sacredness of Family life; it is not separate from Respect Life—but at the center.
Blessings to Sacred Family Life, Fr. Gordon
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