Sacrifice can bring us Peace
(09-13-2009)
Our natural drive to find happiness in life is perfectly normal—some spiritual writers including saints say that such a goal is a part of the way God made us. But we have to examine the basis that we use to measure happiness and look at the degree and authenticity of happiness something gives.
There is a paradox that our faith and relationships with others can teach us—happiness does include sacrifice. However, it seems that more and more sacrifice seems to be less and less a value for many. Some people have lost sight of the fact that sacrifice is a part of daily life—you can imagine what can develop from such an ego-centered perspective of life and responsibility. Some people have become insular or even worse; developing a feeling of entitlement for not caring about anyone but themselves. Haven’t you observed the perspective of a resentful “giver”—someone who gives out of guilt—or an expectation of being rewarded/acknowledged—guess the disappointment that can develop with such an egocentric attitude? Many around us would have us believe that it is only the now and the present happiness that is of value and defines a good life. Of course we know that we can come up empty if all we seek is immediate self-gratification—something we have to fight against throughout our lives.
We can so easily make decisions unconscious of consequences and choose on the basis of what is easy and convenient. A mindset that is basically self-centered cannot understand sacrifice. The person whose concept of love is as a means of fulfilling needs cannot understand real love demands sacrifice. Those of you who are raising a family know that love includes daily sacrifice. “I go out of myself/my needs for the good of someone else”. And at times, it may be personally painful, but overall it is rewarding to know that our sacrifices can be for the good of others and that we make such sacrifices from love not from “have to” and resentment.
Our faith beliefs along with our life experiences also remind us that life cannot be fully lived without sacrifice and compromise. Faith-formation-family-witness and moral-development are all linked and based upon giving up something for the good of others. The attitude with which we offer sacrifice and compromise, forms our daily view of all of life—and of our “self” and one another.
Perhaps the reality of sacrifice as a part of daily life is best summed up by Jesus, once again, in the gospel of Mark for this 24th Sunday.
“Whoever wishes to come after me, must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.”
The Lord is telling us that the cross is a condition of life. Fundamentally, we cannot understand Jesus’ work or his Messianic mission, unless we understand and embrace the cross. We will never get an answer as to why there must be suffering/sacrifice. However, he will always teach us how to endure our suffering by the way we take up our cross—how we allow him to help us with “our cross”—by the way we reflect sacrificial love.
We cannot find peace in our lives until we surrender to our “cross.”
Right choices may include doing what is not beneficial to us, but will help an individual or group—persons who may not always have the ability to help themselves.
Now I’m not saying seek the cross, or that we are to be masochistic, nor are we to live in situations of abuse—that would be criminal--sinful. But how we live with the cross of life can make life easier and oddly make it more joyful—if we partner our cross with the Lord—follow him by offering it for the good of others—freely from love.
A guide for our behavior and compassionate sacrifice can include the question that Jesus asked Peter "Who do you say that I am?” Jesus reminds all of us that before teaching or preaching to others about Christ, we must know him well ourselves. Such a relationship and formation requires us to stop and examine how we are living him daily.
That is the lesson in Christ's love for us—unrestricted—including the ultimate sacrifice for us. Peter couldn't understand this. He protested because he wanted to put a limit on the Lord's sacrifice, maybe because Peter knew he must follow the Lord and do the same. And like all of us, it took time for Peter to learn the demands of Christianity, the demands of true love.
Those of you who are married certainly know sacrificial love and how love can grow with the years and with the sacrifices. Those first years of marriage may have been more romantic and without children giving a greater ability to be present just for each other.
Then when children come that time goes to them and you recognize that you sacrifice more for each other to help with the growing responsibilities. The lists get developed with a division of labor that is not always equitable: who is doing the drop off and pick up, who is taking the dry cleaning, groceries, getting dinner—if there is time for one together.
Often couples tell me that as marriage and children require more sacrifice a strange thing happens—they experience a greater love for one another. They understand their spouse better because they are willing to accept him or her more than ever before. Sacrificial love becomes your lifestyle and you don’t resent your family for the sacrifices a family entails.
Sacrificial love is also a part of many members of our parish whose life revolves around taken care of a husband or wife who is sick. They will often state that they love more now than on their honeymoon. Single people also learn to live sacrificial love in many moments of life for that of parents who are elderly and sick or siblings or friends in need.
Sacrifice teaches us the depth of love—I’m not talking about co-dependence but —healthy love—real love.
Who do you say that I am? This question is one that each Christian must answer for her or himself each day—married, single, widowed, divorced. How we respond to this question affects how we love, live, pray, make decisions, and form relationships—it is also how we teach others who we say Jesus is and who we are in Him.
Blessings in his sacrifice, Fr. Gordon
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