Marriage, Jesus, Faith and Fidelity…
(08-23-2009)
The following are inscriptions found on tombstones:
She lived with her husband 50 years and died in the confident hope of a better life. Or: Here lies my wife in earthly mould who when she lived did naught but scold.
Good friends, go softly in your walking lest she should wake and rise up talking. Or: William Jones Beloved husband of Elizabeth Jones Rest in peace until I get there!
I have been blessed to witness more than 150 weddings. Recently there was a wedding for a mature couple, both widowed and this second marriage was witnessed by their children and grandchildren. The couple stated that they wanted to have the sacrament to witness to their family the importance of including God and their faith in a commitment to one another.
Perhaps there is no greater test of faith and commitment to God than that of married Christian couples. And today’s reading from Ephesians has not made married life easier when taken at face value. St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians has been so misused through the centuries to distort how God looks at marriage and the relationship of wife and husband.
The Letter is controversial and provocative, and deserves reflection. Too many Christians have viewed the portion of St. Paul’s Letter that addresses subordination of wives to husbands as a Church endorsement of for a male-dominated family structure. Such male dominance has been viewed as being a part of the Near-Eastern world and not only at the time St. Paul’s Letter was written. The Letter is also viewed as an endorsement of an ancient patriarchal model structuring a plan by God for male dominance, and in too many cases justifying female abuse.
If the entire text were read, it would be clear that neither St. Paul nor God are endorsing a view of marriage in which the male holds all authority, and the female has none. The opening sentence gives the key to the entire section: "Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ”. To “subordinate” simply does not mean, “obey” or “be submissive.” The term subordinate, in Paul’s context, means to refer in love to one another, as an equal, for the common good.
Ephesians 5 supports anything but blind obedience or the breaking of the wife’s will. A marriage which has its foundation “in Christ” as St. Paul states, is based on the freedom and dignity of both partners, and that is the modeling that all married Christian couples are to offer; to one another, to their families, and to the community.
In a world where men routinely viewed women as beneath them as chattel, slaves, someone they were paid for with a dowry, less than equal, Ephesians was revolutionary in emphasizing the husband’s responsibility to love his wife as himself. St. Paul’s emphasis turns the traditional household code of that time upside down. St. Paul’s statements and teachings about equal dignity of wife and husband were world-shattering in his day; he was thrown out of many towns for his preaching not only Christ, but preaching against male dominance. And who threw him out—not the women! The sacred unity that is to be lived in intimacy with one another as spouses is the intimacy and unity that corresponds to the bond between Christ and his Church, is not one of dominance and submission, but one of mutual respect, reverence, and above all mutual love.
And how husbands and wives relate to one another directly forms and models how children and each one of us learns how to relate to others and how to love others with fidelity/faithfulness.
Faithfulness is expressed as a question in our gospel. After finding his teachings too difficult to accept and live, or maybe out of fear or disbelief, many disciples abandoned Jesus. He asks the remaining disciples: “Will you leave me too?” His question also applies to all of us.
If we wish to stay with Jesus then we know we need to accept the challenges of Jesus. Those challenges might include an examination of all our relationships—including Jesus.
Have we have drifted away from our Lord—from our family? Maybe we have lost touch and don’t seek the means to reconnect. Or maybe we have fallen out of love--or placed our hope in other things--or have forgotten how to trust.
Just as in every discipline, just as in married life or any relationship that requires trust—our faith and faith practices require renewal from time to time. We need to seek the means for a deeper prayer life, look at other spiritual exercises, get spiritual guidance or counseling, talk with family or friends whose faith witness you admire, spend quiet time in prayer each day with simple words—Lord help my unbelief, and perhaps most importantly of all, do not fear if your faith is wavering—most often it is an invitation to go deeper in relationship with the Lord. Blessings, Fr Gordon
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